Unfaithful
by LxIsxJustice
Summary: "I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be a murderer," her words were desperate. She had to believe herself. Snape/Lily SS/LE Songfic Rihanna's "Unfaithful".


**Hello everyone. I've been throwing a****round several Severus/Lily fics around for awhile (so prepare for more!) and this was the fist I put to paper. It's a oneshot, and a sad one at that. It deals with Lily's twisted feelings for two men that give her what she wants. In a way, the whole thing is one big Lily bashing. No, I don;t hate Lily. In fact, I really wish she could have returned Snape's love so he wouldn't end up so unhappy. I love Severus more than ANY other character in HP, and really wish he could have been given the love he desevred. But I guess Lily couldn't be the one to do that. So I'm a little mad at her. Which is also why I love writing Snape/OC stories. Lol, either way, this fic is a songfic to Rihanna's "Unfaithful". I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Harry Potter, Rihanna, or Unfaithful. Lord knows that the next person who tries to "own" Rihanna is going to get his ass kicked! Woman power! XD**

_Story of my life  
>Searching for the right<br>But it keeps avoiding me  
>Sorrow in my soul<br>Cause it seems that wrong  
>Really loves my company<br>_

She uncapped the lipstick, rolling it over her lips delicately, using less than most girls would, but still enough to entice. Glancing at the clock, Lily realized how late it was getting, James would be waiting for her. She stood and sighed. The same old accusations her own mind yelled at her resurfaced.

_Should you really do this? What about Severus? He loves you._

_Yes, but he already knows. And he can't be too bothered about it, or he wouldn't let it continue._

_Ha! As if he would ever deny you anything. He remains silent because he knows it would hurt you to choose. He lets you use him, because he wants you to be happy._

_Well, I am happy._

_No, you're not. This is wrong. So wrong, so wrong…_

Lily shook her head abruptly. No, she wouldn't think on it. Besides. Her friends all dated more than one boy at a time; it was normal for a teenager to want a little variety. Nodding—after having deceived herself—she donned the school robes over her red dress (it was, after all, James's favorite color) and left her prefect's room.

"Ooh, Lily, don't you look all dolled up!" one of her friends called. Going to see James?" Funny how it irked her that no one even asked if she was going to see Severus. Wasn't he deserving of 'dolling up' too?

_Well, obviously not, seeing as how you've never made yourself sexy for him_ a small voice taunted her.

"Shut up," she told both her friends and the voice.

_He's more than a man  
>And this is more than love<br>The reason that the sky is blue  
>The clouds are rolling in<br>Because I'm gone again  
>And to him I just can't be true<em>

She walked down the corridors silently. It was long after curfew, and if she got caught—well, she sure as hell wouldn't be seeing James.

She glanced around the corner, and upon seeing no one, started to make her way towards to Room of Requirement.

A figure suddenly stood at the end of the hallway. Shocked, but feeling braver than she felt, she strode towards the end where Severus waited with a casually closed off expression on his face.

"Hello, Lily. Couldn't sleep?" he asked nonchalantly.

_So wrong._

_And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
>And it kills him inside<br>To know that I am happy with some other guy  
>I can see him dying<br>_

She fought the urge to blush and run past him, and pressed her robes closer around her to hide her dress.

"No, actually. My friends and I are going to the Room of Requirement to play some games and have girl time," she lied. She knew he wasn't fooled, but she also knew he would accept the excuse anyways.

He always did. _So wrong, so wrong_…

"I see," he said, almost sadly. She peered into his eyes cautiously, looking for what? She didn't know. "I suppose I shouldn't keep you then."

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
>I don't wanna be the reason why<br>Everytime I walk out the door  
>I see him die a little more inside<br>I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
>I don't wanna take away his life<br>I don't wanna be...  
>A murderer<br>_

She had to fight to keep her eyes from squeezing shut in pain. Why was she doing this to him? What had he done to deserve the hell she was putting him through? And why wasn't she stopping herself?

"Well, goodnight, Lily." He turned on his heel, walking down the corridor with just a little less grace in his steps. Just a little less life.

"Severus!" she called to him, and watched with grief in her heart as he spun on his heel, looking with a nearly manic plea in his eyes at her. She knew he was desperately hoping against hope for her to say she chose him, but she just…couldn't.

"Love you, Severus," she said with false cheer. She knew the effect they would have. His shoulders would slump, the words ringing hollowly in his chest, because he knew they meant nothing.

He smiled a faint half smile, and said, "I love you, Lily. Always." It was his heartfelt parting words.

_So wrong_.

_I feel it in the air  
>As I'm doing my hair<br>Preparing for another date  
>A kiss upon my cheek<br>As he reluctantly  
>Asks if I'm gonna be out late<br>I say I won't be long  
>Just hanging with the girls<br>A lie I didn't have to tell  
>Because we both know<br>Where I'm about to go  
>And we know it very well<em>

Another day, another date. She could feel it wearing on her as she donned a green dress this time. She couldn't help but think that this was a small rebellion against James on her part. Green was Severus's favorite.

"_It's the color of your eyes,"_ he'd said once.

She wanted to crawl in a corner and die. Why was she doing this? Why couldn't she be happy with Severus? What was it about James that drew her in?

Nothing. _So wrong, so wrong, so wrong_.

She knew it was true. There was nothing about James that Severus didn't have tenfold. It all resided in her. An insecurity that demanded she be loved by as many people as possible. She wanted affection, she wanted love, but to be everything to only one person just wasn't enough.

_Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
>And it kills him inside<br>To know that I am happy with some other guy  
>I can see him dying<br>I don't wanna do this anymore  
>I don't wanna be the reason why<br>Everytime I walk out the door  
>I see him die a little more inside<br>I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
>I don't wanna take away his life<br>I don't wanna be...  
>A murderer<em>

She nearly screamed when a pair of hands snatched her from the corridor as she made her way to the Room. She didn't relax when she realized it was James, who smirked and kissed her neck.

"Hullo, luv. Sorry I didn't wait in the room. I had to deal with Snivellus first. Caught him sulking by the Room," he said haughtily.

Her heart plummeted into her stomach. _So wrong_…"What did you do to him?" she demanded, pushing away from her paramour and stepping back.

"Not much. Just told him the truth. That we've been screwing around behind his back, and that he should count himself lucky you even pretend to go out with him," James chuckled maliciously. "He didn't seem all that surprised, to tell you the truth. He just nodded and walked off. Weird, right?"

Lily didn't look back.

_Our love, his trust  
>I might as well take a gun and put it to his head<br>Get it over with  
>I don't wanna do this<br>Anymore  
><em>

She sprinted in the direction of the Room, not stopping when she reached it, turning the corner and down another long set of hallways. She knew Severus would probably be long gone, but she had to try.

She found him sitting on the steps leading outside.

"Sev—" she started, but he cut her off. She expected yelling, but perhaps the defeated, quiet voice he spoke with was worse.

"It's alright, Lily," he whispered brokenly, looking into her eyes and taking her hand.

She sat down next to him, tears brimming over in her eyes. She gave a silent sob, and put her head in her hands.

"Hush. It's alright, I understand. I'm not angry at you," he knelt before her and spoke softly into her hair when she leaned into him.

This was so _wrong_! Why was _he_ the one comforting _her_? She should be the one on her knees, begging him to stay with her, despite all the horrible things she was doing.

"No!" she choked out. "Don't forgive me! Don't you dare say it's fucking alright!" she began to yell. They both knew it was at herself, not him.

He smiled that half smile that made her insides twist, and he asked, "Lily, do you love me? Even a little bit?" She couldn't help but cry more, when she realized he was giving her an opportunity to leave. He was giving _her_ the choice. _So wrong, so wrong_ her mind chanted.

But she knew that she did. She loved him. Not a little bit, but _so much_. She loved him so much that she didn't know what to do about it. She knew she should let him go, knew that she couldn't give him the love he deserved when she couldn't even love herself, but she was weak. She couldn't give him up.

"Yes," she whispered.

He smiled fully now, the beauty of his smile restricting her chest and rendering her unable to breathe.

"That's all I ask for. I love you, Lily. Always."

_So wrong, so wrong, so wrong._

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
>I don't wanna be the reason why<br>And everytime I walk out the door  
>I see him die a little more inside<br>And I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
>I don't wanna take away his life<br>I don't wanna be...  
>A murderer<em>

**Read and Review, lovely readers! I hope you liked it, and I hope you'll leave your feedback for me to enjoy. Thanks!**


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